September 13 will mark my 4-Month Sobriety Anniversary. I am pretty excited. I have done it all on my own – not even a single AA meeting, no sponsor, nothing but GRIT and DETERMINATION. I have managed to turn around in my head all the old assumptions about why/how drinking made me a better person. For instance:
1. “I cannot get through another “Back to School Night” without a nip of the old sauce” has changed to “I can go and enjoy noticing the OTHER parents who have had a nip or 2.”
2. “I am just not fun anymore now that I cannot drink” has changed to “I am giving myself and my family a wonderful sense of stability and security knowing that I am fully present, alert and sober 24/7.” That is KIND OF fun, right?
I have also learned a thing or two about how other people react when you tell them you are no longer drinking. Many of them appear supportive – how can they NOT be, right – but there is always a little question at the end of their interactions that says, “Maybe in a few months you’ll be able to be like me again.”
The most amazing support I have received since admitting to myself and my friends and family that I am an alcoholic has come from the most astonishingly surprising places. People in my midst that I really did not think I had much of a connection with have continuously expressed positive, affirming, loving praise and kindness. It helps a lot. Especially when I feel my head exploding and would love to have a drink and a smoke!
After 4 months without drinking, I definitely feel more like my “old self” and am so happy to be embracing a life of acknowledging and avoiding addiction. It is much more pure – it liberates me. And it gives me the security that other people feel when they have “FUCK YOU MONEY” in the bank! I have MYSELF in the bank. I have MY ESSENCE.
Guess what else? I am thinking about the future for the first time in many years. I don’t feel trapped in a life I did not choose anymore. No more self-pity. It went away with the Malbec someplace far, far away! I am back in college and pursuing a career in the allied health professions – and this goal I will ACTUALLY achieve and celebrate with CAKE and my FAMILY – not a bottle of Malbec in the darkness. I am stronger, better, happier, and have that “Fuck You” attitude back that is healthy.
If you find yourself battling addiction – don’t hesitate to think about what I am saying and reach out for the support you need to move forward in your future. It feels good to have SOBRIETY at my side….at all times…..covering me like Linus’ security blanket.
I absolutely love this!! I am going to read your whole blog but this entry was amazing!!! Congrats on 4 months!! I have attached my husbands blog. He is still sober after almost 32 months!! Stay strong and keep blogging!
Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement – I really appreciate it!