In less than 6 months, I will be turning 50. For the first time in 30 years, I will celebrate sober. A little over halfway through the journey, sometimes I feel regret that I waited so long to discover inner peace but also many days I feel upset that I can’t party like a rock star anymore! Maybe that feeling will fade as 120 days rolls into 200, 365 and more. More time of living in the present and fully engaged.
In many ways, my newfound sobriety has brought me back full circle to the things I have always loved, especially COMFORT. I am a homebody (though this is surprising to many) who loves my couch, family, warmth of the sun or a roaring fire, homemade meals and simple pleasures.
I think the bare-boned honesty it takes to admit one is powerless over a person, place or thing brings with it comfort and liberation – so really, I have just come “home.”
I realized I had accepted my “lot” as a “recovering alcoholic” when I found myself daydreaming about having a pair of Birkenstocks and a good tea kettle. Chuckle and snort, though I may about this, the darned truth of the matter is: I AM HAPPY WITH MYSELF!
There are messes our family must deal with left behind from my years of selfish self-medicating, at the top of which, of course, is my habit of overspending. But, my God! 4 months ago I could not have stayed clear-headed long enough to even research where our money was going much less devise a plan to resolve it.
A good friend is helping me re-vamp my resume, too. THIS would never have happened when I was drinking. She cannot believe I don’t have any “professional” self-esteem. I can’t believe there is someone out there that sees something I can’t see, but I am willing to dig further, to consider some truths about myself and put myself in the ring of competition for whatever rewarding career awaits me next. I must do this, not only for myself and my family, but because things are going too well to just sit on my couch (as much as I love it!) for the rest of my life.
Push Push Push. I think I can until I know I can – the Little Engine that Could. This is me at 49, a little war-torn and rough but loving the journey and thanking God every day I wake up sober.
So happy to know you and so proud of all you’re doing!
Thank you and right back at you, Sweet Alisha!
I think you’re beautiful inside and out. Love the tea kettle but the shoes…um…no. I’ll take cute AND comfortable any day.
Which is funny because when I was younger my kids always knew it was officially summer when mom brought out the “ugly” sandals which were my comfy Clarke’s. Now that I’m going to be 55 next year I’m very picky about not looking like an old lady so my comfy Clarke’s are out but my new cute, comfy flip flops are in! Oh…it’s such a delicate balance. (LOL)
My 50th was my first birthday sober (as an adult anyway) as well. I won’t say it was easy but I threw myself a big ass party, invited only my closest friends and ended up having a blast. Then after everyone went home I curled up in my comfy chair in my comfy PJ’s and thanked God that I was sober.
Anyway, you look awesome and you sound even better. 50 will be lucky to have you.