I recently went on a self-indulgent, whiny rant about how it is still not possible for women to “have it all” (career and family). It was misguided. It quickly became apparent to me from my friends’ reactions that my preoccupation with the notion of “having it all” is obsolete and a waste of time. Smart women make use of their talents and available resources to craft “manageable,” healthy lives for themselves and their families every single day. So what was I bitching about? Maybe the gnawing feeling I have had since my 30’s that, for me, juggling 2 kids, a household and a career is more than I can handle? Maybe a sense of disillusionment over a lie the feminists of the 70’s “sold” to women of my generation – that, not only COULD we have it all but we simply MUST?
I was raised by a traditional 1950’s housewife with 7 children. As the youngest child, I had the unique opportunity to observe from the “caboose” the long train ahead of me that was our family life. I know my Mother struggled to give each one of us what we needed while also compromising her personal desires to be a writer, artist, social reformer and business woman. She simply did not have the time in one lifetime to do it all – like the rest of us. Enter my Mom’s greatest personal supporter – her Aunt Blanche. Born in 1907, the only girl in a family of 8 children, Mary Blanche Greenwell became one of the first Waves in the United States Navy to arrive in Seattle during World II. Witty, fun-loving and kind-hearted Aunt Blanche was my Mother’s childhood anchor. She cherished her precocious niece. For one thing, little Rhetta looked more like Aunt Blanche than her own Mother and this tickled her. When Aunt Blanche left for the Waves, my Mom was a young girl, an aspiring journalist. Mom remembers typing victory speeches and mailing them off to Aunt Blanche who was away serving in the Waves. Today, the 70th Anniversary of D-day, is a perfect opportunity to reflect on our heritage and the women who paved the way for later generations to “have it all.” I am grateful beyond words for my great-Aunt Blanche and her service to this Country. Above all, I am thankful that she loved my Mom so well all throughout her life. She gave Mom a sense of meaning, hope and connection through the tough years of raising 7 young children born within a 12-year span.
In a letter written to my Mother in 1960 after she became a mother of 1 child herself, Aunt Blanche wrote: “Even I with my one, decisions to make work to get done always hanging over me – I get overcome and feel that it’s too much. Then I get remorseful and feel above all that I’m not a good mother because I get so cross. I’m sure every mother feels this way.”
These were compassionate and comforting words to my Mother from the woman she admired most in all the world. Somehow, both women carried on, mothering and living and juggling it all simultaneously. I cannot possibly believe that my silly little rants about “having it all” should be taken seriously with the humbling heritage of strong women I am fortunate to have in my life!